Abortion
I have had two surgical abortions, the first at 22 and the second at 26.
In many ways I think I tried to ignore the reality of the first pregnancy and its subsequent termination and that is the way it somewhat remains to this day. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in my decision the first time around. The second time was difficult but for different reasons, I was in a happy long term relationship and was confronted for the first time with the possibility and potential reality of having a family.
My mother had her first child at 21.
I like to talk candidly about my experiences with abortion and contraception, as I feel it is a topic I have been deprived of any airtime for so many years. Much of what I have learnt has come from experience over time, a kind of trial and error sort of thing...with many errors. Having an abortion comes with so much social and political baggage, it doesn't surprise me at all that people don’t talk about it openly.
During the process of having an abortion, I have experienced all sides of medical professionals, some who openly did not approve of my decision to terminate and refused to help or acknowledge me and my choices - and on the other hand, I have also been met with immense kindness and support from others in the same roles. Those positive interactions fill me with gratitude, confidence and hope that other women are being supported in some way.
I still think about my experiences a lot and although I still have strong feelings towards them I can’t quite pinpoint what it is exactly that I feel. It’s not exactly sadness, or guilt or even shame... maybe it's a combination of all of them, although I detest the idea of ever feeling shame or guilt about my decision to abort.
As time goes on the physical aspect becomes more distant and it is only when I sit down and really think about how I feel, that I then realise that talking about it openly has been the best kind of therapy for me. Whether you want to hear about it or not, I’ll probably tell you about it anyway.
Text — Anon
