Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
I was first diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) when I was 16.
PCOS is a condition that affects a woman’s hormone levels. This hormone imbalance causes them to have abnormal periods and can make it harder for them to get pregnant. It also comes with a raft of other fun symptoms including excess hair growth, acne and weight issues.
In a lot of ways, I was lucky to be diagnosed so early. Plenty of women spend a lot of time wondering what’s going on before they get any assistance, something that must be particularly painful when related to infertility.
For me it all started at the all-girls school I attended in Auckland. I had sat with my friends and discussed all the usual stuff – boys, clothes and the MSN messenger gossip – many times, but when they started getting and talking about their periods, I wasn’t really able to contribute. When even the very slim ballerina in our group of friends got her period and I still hadn’t had mine, I decided it was time to head to the doctor. I was referred by my GP to a specialist who I later learned was notorious for damaging girls in the process.
She diagnosed me with PCOS using hormone tests and an ultrasound. She also told little 16- year-old me that I was chubby - something she thought so seriously she also wrote in the notes so I saw it when I was at my GP just the other day at the ripe old age of 29. Still a kick in the guts. I was told that the only way to manage my symptoms was to be underweight for a girl of my height. I’ve since had more than one wine with someone else who was diagnosed by her and we’ve hugged and remembered how awful she was. I was 60kgs (not my definition of chubby) and by the time she was done with me I had dropped to 48kgs, participated in a clinical study I didn’t care for and was convinced I would never have children.
I feel sorry for little me. I thought I was tough, but no 16-year-old is really emotionally mature enough to deal with a diagnosis of a lifelong condition. In fact, I’m not sure you’re really emotionally mature enough at any age. The experience with her sent me into a spiral of self-loathing. I would go to bed every night hating myself for the things I had eaten that day, and promising myself I would do better tomorrow. Then the next night, I would hate myself all over again. My weight sharply dropped and then predictably, steadily rose.
After a lot of soul searching, the wisdom that slowly comes with age, and a bit of therapy I have overcome this self-flagellation. I’m also very aware now that I’m not alone. Almost every woman I have ever met has had a crisis of self-confidence at one point in their lives and for some it is debilitating. A huge percentage of women are also impacted by fertility issues and they estimate 5-10% of woman have PCOS. You would think something so ubiquitous would be well funded, researched and widely understood but this really isn’t the case.
PCOS is usually treated by prescribing the contraceptive pill and telling the patient to come back when they want to get pregnant. Not exactly a wraparound approach to care. I’ve hunted for something more for the entirety of my 20s and have found that the specialist wasn’t correct - your only option is not to be underweight. In fact, there are a number of studies, theories and approaches to managing the symptoms of PCOS, the trouble is finding out just what they are. It really shouldn’t be this hard, and it definitely shouldn’t come with a borderline eating disorder.
I’ve been on a bit of a journey with my PCOS over the last few years. I have a reasonably regular exercise pattern, I eat pretty well. I have learned that to rationalise self-loathing as a drive to be healthy, is not healthy. I do not hate myself. I hope that in the future, women’s health issues get the funding and energy they deserve but a great start is to recognise that a woman’s purpose is not just to have babies. Health conditions deserve to be taken seriously because they impact your quality of life, not because they impact your ability to be a baby making machine. To the many of you out there with PCOS, you don’t have to just live with it and if it’s causing you grief I would encourage you to do your own research and work out what works for you. Talk to each other, join Facebook groups, watch YouTube videos, read up. Most of all, be nice to yourself and remember, you are not alone.
Words — Elsa
Image source — here
For more on PCOS visit
Womens Health Org
Monash.edu
