An open letter on stripping
I’ll be honest, this is my first time writing anything with the intention of getting it published. And I am beyond ecstatic that it is about something I have fallen in love with, dancing, otherwise known as stripping.
The first thing that comes to my mind that I want any person that is either new to dancing or curious about dancing to know is, I was given this task on Monday the 8th of June, it is now Wednesday the 1st of July at 5 PM. Meaning, I have only now just found the mental capacity to write it. Don’t let that scare you – I just want to be extremely honest about this job, dancing is exhausting. In most people's heads they just think it’s just some hot girl dancing around in a skimpy, pink bikini and men just throwing hundreds on stage for no apparent reason, wouldn’t that be nice. I want this to give you a very real, very clear outlook on how I’ve found it in my first year (almost) of dancing.
First and foremost, I am 27 and a half years old (yes I said half because that’s the type of person I am), I am originally from Canada, and I am currently on a working holiday visa in New Zealand. The year before I was in Australia for a year. However, even back in Canada I was always so infatuated with sex work. It just always intrigued me, and I was always curious. The way people in my suburban town saw it, though it was the complete opposite. I would always hear adjectives such as ‘dirty, infested, crack whore, hoe’ when it came to anyone doing sexual favours for money, let alone dancing. I was always an accepting person, so I never really understood or thought that. I just kind of didn’t pay them any mind. I did make some friends in the industry, but I found that they believed they weren’t worthy because of how people saw them. They were ashamed, so naturally I didn’t try any of the clubs back home, and old men creeped me out so being a sugar baby was not an option either. I would do some dinners here and there, and basically con men into sending me money online without ever meeting them, but that was as far as I went. I was too scared and anxious. I was also just so insecure there would be no way I would be able to enter the club to apply, let alone dance.
So how am I a dancer now you ask? How am I so confident that I can literally walk around naked without giving a shit? Well, I’ll explain. I was in Wellington, New Zealand of course, and I met this girl called Jasmine. We automatically got along, in the first five minutes of us meeting we were talking about boys. This is how I knew she would be a hoot (let's say I’m boy insane, not even crazy, I’m insane). We got super close and she let me know that she danced back home and was looking to dance here. DING DING DING, I have a buddy to apply to clubs with, and someone to mentor me! Two birds in one stone, anxiety halfway gone (I would recommend having a buddy to apply and work with for your first time, especially if you’re nervous and new). So we decided to get absolutely smashed and go apply for clubs, and I was so happy because I finally had someone to go apply with. Let me explain the application process to you, it’s hilarious. You literally walk in and talk to the manager for maybe 10 seconds and they let you know when to come back and dance. That's it. No, I’m not lying. This is why I love this job, because I am a hot head and like to switch jobs – the process is deadly when you are trying to find a ‘normal’ new job. But for stripping, it's as easy as sending a hot photo of yourself in an email and waiting for your trial (which usually means you’re hired).
I don’t want you to think you need to be a hot blonde model to be a dancer, I’m the complete opposite (I still think I’m hot) but I am not even 5 foot, and I am black (a rare thing to be in New Zealand). You need to keep in mind not everybody wants a skinny blonde, it’s not all about those types of looks. You can be a literal celebrity at a club and be passed off for someone else because they have a similar interest. And you don’t need to be an expert on the pole! There could be girls who literally don’t even dance on their stage spot, and they make more than someone who could be hired at Cirque du Soleil. Like I said, you just never know what a man wants.
Okay, so, let’s go to my first night at the Wellington club with Jasmine. I went in and met the manager, she was nice and knew I was new so she let me stay with Jasmine to show me around a bit because I wasn’t as experienced and she knew I was shy and would feel more comfortable. So we went upstairs to the changing room and it was literally like a movie. Girls naked walking around getting changed and gossiping about things I didn’t even know could happen to a person. This is when I knew the stripper world was way different than what I have ever known, and I was so excited to learn more. At this point, I was comfortable with my body, but I was still that person that didn’t get changed in front of randoms in gym changing rooms. Well, Jesus Christ, the amount of vagina I saw in those first 5 minutes made me realise nobody gives an actual fuck, and I automatically felt comfortable to get undressed because nobody stared like they would anywhere else. Believe it or not, strippers are the least judgemental when it comes to getting dressed or undressed around them. Unless they are jealous. And if they are, take that as a compliment. You’re going to need to have a thick skin when working. The majority of the girls were nice to me knowing that it was my first night, but I am not going to mislead you into thinking this is the happiest go lucky place. You will meet girls that have been dancing for years and think they are further in life than you ever will be. You will meet girls that will literally shove you out of the way for no reason and make you feel so uncomfortable. You will meet bullies. But before you run out crying and never wanting to go back again – let me let you in on a little secret. IT'S A TEST. Half of them want to see if you have a backbone, and half of them just seriously hate new girls that come in and leave the next day. I didn’t understand it at first but now I do.
So that night, thanks to Jasmine, I got two bookings. 1 45 minute dance downstairs, and an hour dance upstairs in the VIP booth with the same man and Jasmine joined. In the 45 minute dance I kid you not, he was talking about his divorce the entire time. I just sat on his lap and analysed his dilemma giving him relationship advice. I didn’t even think he’d want any longer with me because I thought that was the biggest waste of time in centuries. Apparently some men like that shit?! So he then took me and Jasmine upstairs, now upstairs differs in various clubs. In this specific club we had spas where both us and the customer would get naked. So I was beyond ecstatic because that was not happening with just me and him. It was actually all good though! Was the best night ever, and I made around 800 bucks that night. I couldn’t believe it either.
At the time I was working full time at a life insurance company, and that didn’t last very long. I am not sure about you but if I’m working 40 hours a week and making less than what I make in a night at a club, I’m going to quit. It was both the best and worst decision I have made in my life. At first I tried to work full time during the week and dance two shifts on weekends. NO. Believe me, it's not worth the burn out. And you will get burnt out, I thought I was invincible but I lasted two weeks before I couldn’t even get vagina and boobs out of my head while being at work and processing life insurance claims. Let me better define burn out for you – I started working 5/6 nights a week when I quit my salary job. At first it was all good, getting drunk every night, making loads of money and getting wasted with my friends. But very soon that dies out, you aren’t able to eat, your body is killing you, and you hide from customers because you literally cannot be fucked. I found myself sitting and spending my money at the bar more than I was making money. It actually affects you mentally more than you would think, maybe I’m just old but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It just makes you dislike your job and dislike dancing. It hides you from your friends and family and oh, it makes you hate everyone. What I would recommend for getting through a burnout is to take a week off, you can do without the money. Money isn’t as important as your health – believe me. It only took me 4 weeks and about 10 KG of my weight to realise this. So don’t get to that point, or maybe you’re like me and you need to learn for yourself. Who knows.
When I say I loved my first club, I LOVED the club. But that won't last, at least not for me. I am the type of person that needs things to keep improving or changing. If I feel stagnant I leave, the other difference with me and most dancers is this is their hometown. For me, I’m travelling, so I still want to always be excited for work. The second I feel bored I will leave. The second I feel disrespected, I will leave. I don’t believe in hating your job and wasting your life away. Which will explain where I’m going next in this story.
I won't go into gross details as much as I would like to because I feel everyone's experience of a club is different. But all I will say is you need to be mindful of your surroundings, sexual assault can happen, and that is why they always say not to get too wasted at work. It is basically like a massive house party except we get paid. I don’t want you to expect such things to occur but I just don’t want you to learn the hard way like my friend. Unfortunately she had a very bad experience with a customer that has hurt her very much. It hurt me even more because I wasn’t there to stop it, and I couldn’t have done anything. But what hurt me more was the way it was dealt with (or in other words, not dealt with) and the fact I had to go in still and work my ass off everyday for a person who didn’t care about the wellbeing of their dancers. We all like to live in this fairy land where we pretend strippers are respected. But this isn’t entirely true. That’s why things like that in a workplace can just be overlooked, nobody respects us so why would they care? Management (if they are evil like mine was) will just hire someone else, what are you going to do right? You’re just a stripper? Sadly, you find out that’s who you’re really working for. But nope, not me. I am nobody’s puppet, especially someone like that, however, in the long run this brought me to quit and find a more stimulating and all round better energy club and I am happy my life brought me to this predicament so I could learn quickly everything wasn’t as golden as it seems.
I wanted to share my first walk out story with you because I always feel bad ass when I think about it. I was working one night and the bar man (who just hates his life) decided even though I was perfectly fine I was cut off from the bar. I won't lie. I am no angel when I get wasted but I can literally swear on my future kids lives that on that night I was fine. It wasn’t even him cutting me off that pissed me off, what pissed me off was when I was booked upstairs (with a man that can barely walk up the stairs because he was so wasted) I was able to drink. And the second I was back downstairs the main woman manager had the audacity to grab the beer out of my hand and replace it with a glass of water and say “you’re too wasted”. Listen, I’m from Toronto - and I can be a hood bitch if I want to be. And unless you want to get knocked the fuck out – you don’t ever grab a drink out of my hand and speak to me like you’re my mother. She was about 25 shades lighter and 500 pounds heavier than me, so that was a NO from me. I made that club thousands in just a week and I did not deserve that, and it just made me realise this club does not care about their girls and I was just blindsided by the niceness she wanted to give me until she realised I was of no use to her anymore (she made extra money every time girls got bookings; a little questionable, huh?) so me being me I walked upstairs and said fuck this. She followed me and said I could go home (lol, like I even wanted to be there anyways) I looked her dead in the eyes and said “I got you beat, I quit – and you better pay me my wages or this will go above this club and I’ll report you to the IRD”. I felt damn good. And I had no regrets because it wasn’t soon after I figured it wasn’t just management that was fake – half the girls there were too. Stripping is super fun when you do the job for fun and when you are good at saving. Also, when you just get a general enjoyment out of it. However, not all the girls felt the same way. Some don’t make any money and decide to take it out on people who do, they like to blame and talk shit when you get bookings and they don’t. It baffles me that women allow themselves to be so hateful towards each other, but I am glad I learnt that in my first club to prepare for my other ones. So thank you Wellington! It was a blast but you can kiss my ass.
It took me literally 10 hours to find a new job. So I never looked back to that club, until I had to get my pay. I started at a new club in Auckland and I loved it – but then I decided to do work for accommodation where I would work 5 nights a week for free rent. Never again. It was great at first but we were lucky/unlucky enough to be stuck in that house for lockdown. The amount of burn out I have for this club is to the point I can’t even go in as a customer without feeling tired. I promise you, it isn’t worth it in the slightest. I would make more working 2 nights in a week than 5, because it’s all about your mental health and ability to work. Nobody in their right mind can work 5 nights a week at a strip club and be able to balance anything else in their lives. You don’t have to listen to me, but don’t try and complain when I say I told you so (telepathically). For me, 2/3 nights a week is enough for me. Three is still pushing it. This club had a good, nice interior, nice girls, good clients. The only thing I disliked was the number of girls on per shift. See there is this thing called “grass cutting” and this is when you are with a customer and you literally go to the toilet and you come back and another girl has been waiting so she can jump on him and steal your booking. This is probably the saddest thing you can do – and I have never done it, I don’t need to. This is normally for burnt out strippers or girls that have no pep to their step and can’t find customers themselves. This happened a lot at this club and the money went downhill after COVID-19 so again – I left. I am currently at another club, where the manager is a former dancer, the respect she has for us is so truthful and honest. I respect her so much, the club works in our favour and doesn’t have 40 girls on a weekend. She understands how hard it would be if we did that, so far this is the best club I’ve been at and at this point (almost a year) I have been at three, this would be my fourth.
My best advice to you is to never settle, I am not going to say every girl I’ve met has loved me and the way I do things. But all I have to say is I’ve never gone home crying after a shift, I do what I feel is right for myself and I leave as soon as I am not happy because I refuse to be shaking my naked ass and not enjoying what I am doing. That in my opinion is what makes people think stripping is depressing. Because they see burnt out dancers hating their lives and then assuming everyone is like that. Well that isn’t true. And I hope from this read you can at least change your mind and maybe a friend's mind, grow a pair and try it out? There's absolutely nothing you can lose, besides judgemental friends and family, and who needs them anyways?
You need a thick skin to be a dancer, hell, you need a thick skin to put yourself out there in general. But unfortunately, some people still think terrible things about sex workers. So I would be lying to you if I say that your family and friends will be supportive. Thankfully my mother does not care. It's more of a don’t ask don’t tell sort of thing. In regards to friends, I have lost many because they are so narrow minded, but I am actually happy for that because it saved me in the long run. If we can’t agree that what people do for money is their own business, then how can we agree on anything? So make sure you decide if this is really what you want to do. It could be temporary but what you put out online, what you do, and what people see will last forever. I personally have no issue of what people think of me dancing because 9/10 I make more than them anyways. I’ll let you in on a secret. It’s jealousy. The way I live is, why would I let anything anyone does bother me unless it affects me? The only way someone making money affects me is because I can’t do it. Not everyone can get naked and dance in front of people, not everyone has the confidence. And what they are going to do is break you down, so you succumb to the broken sadness which is their life and they are not alone. It’s a harsh truth and I’m sure not everyone is going to agree, but I say what I feel and you are clearly reading this for a reason.
I am personally not worried about finding a man, starting a family, getting married, because once again, if that makes him care, why do I want him around? It definitely takes a certain type of someone to have that outlook on life, so again, think about this hard before you start dancing. There is nothing worse than starting and then being in too deep and you can’t restart or pretend it didn’t happen, especially if you are on social media.
In my opinion, when I have a daughter, no I would not like her to dance. The reason for this is because I would hope I could supply enough for her to not have to. I don’t want her to be in a position like me where she felt like she had to dance to get by. I obviously have support from my family and friends, but I mean to really get life going. I had to because I wasted all my life messing around and not taking things seriously. Yes, I will be telling my kids what I did when I was younger. I want them to learn how real the world is and that ‘dancing’ isn’t for people going nowhere in life, their mother used to do it and she’s doing well for herself (let's hope that’s where I am at).
The most rewarding part of the job? Creating funny stories with workers and taking money from men! It is actually surprising how much money men will spend at a strip club, mind you I never went before I became a dancer so I wasn’t knowing what to expect… but, damn.
I have had men give me 100 dollar bills for a two minute dance. I’ve had a guy spend thousands and fall asleep right into the booking and get kicked out without a refund, lol. I have had men take money out of their combo accounts with their wives just to get more time at the club. This is the best place to build your self confidence because I promise that’s all they bring when they come in, for the most part. This is your territory, as much as they like to think it's theirs because they are spending the money, you are who they are spending it on.
Another huge part of dancing is taking breaks, I am currently on a break and just going to do only fans for a few weeks and maybe switch around clubs, because like I said, I get bored easily! I don’t like staying in the same space very long, unless the money is BANGING. This line of work truly shows how much you respect yourself. Do you love yourself to step down from dancing for a week or a month so you know you can make yourself way more being in a better mood? Or are you the type of person that can’t say no? That isn’t a good way to be in this line of work because if you’re not careful, you will run yourself dry. I have done this a few times and I promise you it is not worth it. You don’t always need to be going 100 miles an hour, there are going to be dry weekends, and there are going to be times where you feel hopeless and like you are going nowhere. That is normal. There is still so much I am finding out about this job day by day – there is no perfect way to do it and there is no singular way to do it. We all have our different kinks, quirks and selling points. The best and final advice I can give you for now is have fun with it, be happy and please, don’t be jealous.
Words — Baby Brooke
