Liam Sharma: how are you, really?

Culture

7 Apr

I think you need this. I know I do.

I’m supposed to be halfway to London. It’s the start of April, by now I should be getting dressed to the nines to hit my British Embassy appointment and get that sweet, sticky stamp of admission. The consular would’ve asked me “what occupation do you plan on holding while in the UK”. I’d let out a cheeky giggle, “maybe an astronaut, actually I want to be the fourth member of The XX, a professional stay-at-home-mum, a social piranha, I’m actually not too sure, all I know is that whatever it is, it’ll be a fuck-load better than what I am doing now”.

COVID-19 felt like a crotch kick. It’s winded me so bad, I’ve lost colour. Yesterday I saw my mental health doing the splits outside my window. I’ve chucked all my toys out the cot, and then I’ve laced it with oil and set fire to it.

It’s gut-wrenching looking forward to something for so long and having it pickpocketed from you at the last minute. Like when you were little and your mum wouldn’t let you swim in the communal pool because that one feral child had pooped in the shallows. I was so close to the exit sign I’d already started burning all my bridges. I’ve been extra lippy as of late. The devil on my shoulder told me to be. “You won’t see them ever again, say it”. The harbour bridge was ablaze in my mind and I was the captain on a big fucking escape yacht, all winds pointing towards British boys with sexy accents, who I’d be oh so willing to stay up with until 4 AM gushing over the Monarch, I’ve watched The Crown, I know a thing or two.

I’d planned to move to London indefinitely, that’s been put on hold indefinitely. I’ve been really upset, the other day I ate three bags of salt & vinegar chips in a 24-hour window. I didn’t even have any dip. The acid sores in my mouth have been singing songs to me ever since, every time I sip a drink they scream.

We’re all upset, it’s a safe bet that this shit-stain of a virus has impacted each and every one of us in a myriad of ways. That’s the thing I’ve found so disheartening, the ripple effect. Maybe you lost your job, your holiday or your ability to hug your grandma. Maybe your usually stable freelancer friend is having panic attacks because their work calendar just became as non-existent as my dating life. Maybe you know someone who has fallen ill. Maybe you’ve been separated from someone who makes you whole.

On day one in ISO, I spent an hour talking to the fly on my wall about how upset this whole dooms-day virus had me feeling. I’ve been tight. But I think I’ve had a change of tune. I woke up this morning and felt, well, a little bit more me.

I’m kind of loving the feeling of being in a shitty Netflix show where everyone’s in their rooms making crappy TikTok content. I kind of love how New World influencers are being paid thousands to plead on their Instagrams “please don’t panic buy”. I kind of love that Stuff’s taken New World to the cleaners over not paying its staff sick leave. I love how kooky everyone is being. I love that we’re only in the first week and I’ve already seen several people burn off their eyebrows for likes, bleach their hair which is commonly what gay people do mid existential crisis (mainly me). I love how bat shit crazy people are being. I love that cabin fever is just as infectious.

I love that for the first time in my life I’ve surrendered myself to the universe. I love how all my neurotic tendencies have been cancelled; I love how I have zero control. None of us do.

I’m going to try to start looking at this period of my life as an opportunity. I’m going to read that book; I’m going to write a book. I’m going to transform into Jordan Rondel and bake that fucking cake from the pre-boxed mix. I’m going to spend hours talking to my mum about nothing. I’m going to sleep in. I’m going to get to know myself a bit better and in the most Liam way possible, foster healthy dreams. I’m going to realign my chakras and go all spiritual and shit. Do you know? Find my third eye, babe. I’m going to try to find a way to love myself a little bit more and put myself down a little bit less.

I urge you to do the same. I think there’s something beautiful about the whole world healing together. I think this was an inevitable bump in the road with no end in sight. I think we need this, I think you need this, I know I do.

Liam’s list:

Book – Darling, by Cassandra Grodd

Podcast – anything Breaking Beauty or How I built This

TV Show – season 3 of Ozark

Movie – Kath & Kim The Da Vinci Code

Playing – pick up 52 with limited edition Fourth St Playing Cards

Listening – anything ives. or DRAMA

Hobby – talking to myself in the mirror

Mood – sceptical

Influencer – Morgan Edwards

Wearing – RUBY’s love tee

Moisturiser – Glow Recipe Watermelon Moisturizer