Ellen Fromm — The importance of community and why our future depends on it
No man is an island.
This is the theme of one of my all-time favourite movies, “About a boy”. Time and time again, I’ve watched as Hugh Grant reluctantly lets more and more people into his life, until his heart grows three sizes. Possibly mixing movie plots here, but the message remains the same - humans need other humans to survive. It’s something to do with our DNA. The prehistoric part of us. The part that can’t function without community. Without our wolf pack.
For a long time, I was an island.
A fiercely independent island. An island scared of invasion.
Scared to show any sign of vulnerability.
But I wasn’t born this way. People aren’t born as islands. We become them. See, if we’re lucky, we come into this world surrounded by a sea of people who love us. Then, somewhere along the way, we put up walls, create protective boundaries, invent defence mechanisms. And soon, like tectonic plates, we drift away from our mainland community. So slowly, that we often don’t realise it’s happening.
And once you’re island-ed it’s hard to un-island.
Just ask Hugh Grant.
But recent virus related events have shaken this island to her rocky core. (I feel like this island metaphor thing is getting old but it’s too late to abandon ship… Sorry, it was just too obvious). Anyway, this little introvert found herself in solo lockdown. Which sounds like it should be the dream, yes? No. Surprisingly, not. And I know I’m not the only solo castaway feeling a bit lonely right now. But I also know that you can be feeling super lonely even if your island bubble is jam packed with family and friends. Because while it’s hard to explain our current feelings, I think part of the weirdness is grief. We’re grieving our wider community.
This week, more than ever, has made me realise the importance of having people around you. Now, have you heard about the “blue zones”? Well, the blue zones are groups of people around the world with the highest number of centenarians. These groups are researched endlessly. We want their secret elixir. We want to know how they cheat death…
One of the components attributed to their longevity, is their strong sense of community. Get this, a sense of belonging has been attributed to adding up to fourteen years to your life. What? How?! Well my dears, community innately makes us feel safe. Secure. Those feelings soothe our nervous system, lowering stress and thereby lowering the risk of stress related conditions (which is basically everything! Stress is the worst!!). Studies have also explored the parallels between feelings of belonging, to a person’s sense of contentment and mental health. The more connected we are, the more content we are. It seems our happiness is linked to the common bonds we create with people.
Cool, science says community is important. So then, what defines a community? Well, get comfy. I’ve come to realise that community isn’t simply a group of people. Nor is it a place (it’s definitely not a stuffy hall). It’s more than that. Community is a feeling. That warm, welcoming feeling that makes your insides smile. The feeling you get in a certain place with a certain group of people. That feeling of home. Of comfort. Of safety.
Now that I’ve recognised this feeling, it’s surprising to find how many communities I actually belong to. Sure there’s my friends, family, work and my flat. These guys are my tribes. But then there’s the before 7am community at my local coffee shop, the Saturday 9:10am Body Pump community, the online community created by my fellow students. True, I don’t know anything deep about the people in these communities. But we’re bound together by common interests, shared beliefs and similar gym routines. These groups help me feel like I’m part of something bigger. And hey, to me that’s community. Come at me longevity!
But what happens when these communities are put on hold? Or put into isolation? To be honest, I don’t know. Because while isolation is the safest thing to do right now, it’s also a weird little social experiment. Because no man (or woman) is an island. We’re humans. We need other humans.
What I do know is that, right now we need to be cultivating community. Not turning our backs on it. So, if you’re feeling lost, alone, scared, worried or gosh, the thousands of other feelings I am currently feeling, challenge your idea of what community is. Email someone from work who you normally just chat to about toast toppings. DM someone who you’ve been following for ages who posts great memes. Smile at a stranger while you’re on your iso-mental-health-walk-of-the-day. Sure this takes courage and vulnerability. But when you start to look around, you’ll be surprised at how many like-minded communities are there waiting.
Embrace them. And more importantly, let them embrace you.
Metaphorically. Obviously not physically.
Image source — here
