Sauce x Me. | Pregnancy, self-doubt and motherhood with Zeenat Wilkinson
In proud partnership with Me.
To celebrate the launch of Me, a period care brand designed by, and for, the modern-day womxn – Sauce speaks with the Me Collective.
The Me Collective is a genus of diverse, socially conscious, real womxn hailing from New Zealand.
Period care is intimate and integral, but so often it’s left unspoken and positioned on our shelves in a typically unsophisticated manner. Periods are personal, but they’re also universal. Blood is interconnection.
In partnering with Me, we aim to explore taboo conversations around period care, to touch on topics others have left unsaid. To connect on a level we haven’t with you before, we hope you find something you are looking for here, Saucettes.
We understand not only womxn bleed and not all womxn bleed. Me Collective members may use gendered terms in their storytelling that aligns with their personal experience or understanding.
Our third Me. collective member is our founder, Zeenat Wilkinson. It’s been an enormous year for Zeenat, one filled with high highs and low lows – but, that’s what life is, isn’t it? It’s all about the ride.
We caught up with our forever dream girl and spoke about the year that’s been, PCOS and what’s next for Sauce.
You’re a new mother, what has it been like having a part of your soul living outside of your body?
You’ve put it together so well. It is literally like an extension of your soul, but at the same time, they are their own little people. The moment she was born a real primal urge kicked in, and keeping her happy is all I cared about. Everything else didn’t matter. On little or no sleep. Bleeding. Hungry. Completely broken. All you care about is this special soul.
What have you struggled with most as a new mother?
Breastfeeding was extremely challenging during the first few weeks. I was traumatised after birth and physically left with no energy. It’s so hard trying to figure this process out when you just need just a minute to recover and sleep but you can’t because the little one needs you (every three hours, round the clock). But at the same time, breastfeeding has also somehow connected me with my body and brought me to my power. It was worth the perseverance.
I also struggled to get back to work. I usually am really driven, and I don’t think I’ve taken a proper break from work in years. But maternity leave is a sacred time, and as much as I love doing what I do, I needed the time to mentally and physically heal. The first few weeks go by so fast, and they are very precious.
Have you ever doubted your mothering capabilities?
A few people have messaged me and mentioned that I made motherhood look really easy and effortless. I know I don’t portray the downs of motherhood and quite frankly, I don’t owe anyone the details of the low points. Also, I still don’t know if I am a good mom or a BAD MOM. As for self-doubt, I had it throughout pregnancy, and I still dip in and out of it. But lately, we are in a bit of a rhythm, perhaps? And I’ve learned to surrender to her needs. Every day – hour – is so unpredictable. I’ve also learned to lean into my instincts and don’t take them lightly.
What attracted you to partner with Me?
Me. is reclaiming the menstrual conversation, and I can’t stress enough – how important this is, for our youth and future generations to come. The brand has taken something so important but often overlooked and made it special and chic.
Have you ever struggled with any menstruation problems?
I’ve had excruciatingly painful periods from day one. I have been admitted to the hospital twice (in my teens) from dehydration from the pain. I was later diagnosed with PCOS. In cynical terms, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is a condition related to elevated levels of certain hormones, causing the development of cysts in the ovaries, leading to painful periods.
How was your birth process?
I have come to realise an important lesson; birth is not only traumatic physically but also mentally. We had a normal delivery, and she was born small but healthy. I had possible mild pre-eclampsia, so I had to be induced, and I went into a state of shock right away. As a result, Aaliyah’s heart rate kept dipping in and out. It was all really messy. But in the end, it was really the hospital maternity experience that left me feeling resentful. To add to it, we had a misdiagnosis that ended up keeping us in the hospital for longer than we needed to be. There was a lot of inconsistency and not enough empathy for new mums. The complexity of 2020 has a lot to do with the overall emotions attached to birthing and pregnancy too. I’ve always lived a very sheltered life, and this was the first time I was in the world doing something so major, stripped of all my labels, without my family around for emotional support.
I used to cry hysterically every time I was in the shower for the first few weeks. It was a lot.
How did you manage PCOS?
Painkillers, Netflix and healthy meals. No caffeine for the first two days. My body needs all the rest, and honestly, there is no point in trying to get my brain to crank audibly into action at work high on painkillers. However, I genuinely make up for it once I am back to my usual self.
Working on shoots is really hard as you are on your feet all day and you can’t move dates around as quickly. But, on most days, I work from home, and I couldn’t think of a better setup. Coming to think of it, my PCOS probably led me to create my own business and work for myself. Calling in sick every month wasn’t ideal while working for someone else!
Were you ever worried PCOS would impact your fertility ability? If so, how did you overcome this?
My OBGN (that diagnosed my PCOS) casually mentioned I might never have babies. I was 22 at the time and in a state of a shock, but years later I visited a homoeopath, and she assured me that it’s not always the case and helped me create a plan to regulate my hormones. I guess my OBGN at the time was wrong.
When do you feel most empowered?
It sounds corny as hell but being a mother has made me feel incredibly empowered. I mean if you can push a baby out and care for a little creature after putting your body through so much you can pretty much do anything. I have never felt as driven or creative as I have after giving birth.
What is one life lesson you’ve learnt in 2020?
An individual is nothing without the community around them.
What does being a woman mean to you?
There is strength in softness. Being a woman isn’t about one definition – it is broad, ever-changing and I believe in celebrating our femininity, strength and the power that comes with all the highs and lows.
What does Sauce mean to you?
Sauce is a sacred space for like-minded people to connect and create; it’s never about peddling products for the sake of it or click-bait stories. It’s a space to celebrate creativity and share raw, honest stories.
What’s next for Sauce?
I am not entirely sure, but I know we are just getting started. Liam and I are onto exciting things, and words cannot contain our wildness. Period.
Photography – Lula Cucchiara
In proud partnership with Me.
