The rising costs of living

Inequitably affecting wahine and their dating lives.

The cost of living crisis is not a new phenomenon, nor one that holds a lot of shock value if you’ve been following the news recently. When goods and services go up in value and we can’t buy as much with the same $50 note - this is what we call inflation. But what no one seems to be addressing is the detrimental effect inflation is having on Wahine (women), specifically when it comes to dating and relationships.

Words by: Simran Kaur of Girls That Invest

In Aotearoa, wahine are already subject to the wage gap, with Mind The Gap NZ showing that Pakeha women only earn up to $0.89 for every dollar a Pakeha man does. This number is even lower for women of colour, with Māori wahine earning $0.81 and Pasifika earning $0.75. Asian women are also left behind, earning $0.83. Pay gaps aren’t just numbers, these are real people who are being unfairly impacted.

If the wage gap isn’t depressing enough, this is then further perpetuated into a wealth gap, where wahine are less likely to invest compared to their male counterparts, leading to less overall wealth. We also end up lagging behind in our KiwiSaver balances, often due to a lack of access to financial literacy and/or gaps in employment due to maternity leave. Wealth means options, it means the ability to leave a job you hate, it means being able to say no to opportunities that you don’t want, but more importantly, it means being able to choose or walk away from a partnership that no longer serves you.

Nothing bad happens when wahine have more money, so it’s equally concerning to see the scrutiny and fiscal prudence on essentials like rent, bills and filling our petrol tank, to the point where inflation is impacting how we date and love.

A 2022 report by Bumble in Australia and New Zealand found the real-world impact the rising cost of living is having on singles’ dating and sex lives. The research pointed to one prominent thing: we need to start talking about money in our relationships.

With almost 70% of kiwis believing that financial stability is an important factor in a potential partner, we’re not having these conversations earlier enough. In fact, Bumble found that almost half (44%) of us don’t believe we should be talking about salaries until you’re in a serious relationship, and a further 17% admitting they’ve never talked about salaries with their romantic partners.

“It’s not part of our kiwi culture” or “we prefer to be humble” are often the reasons stated for why we don’t talk about money - but this needs to change. Opening up about our finances breaks down the wall around financial secrecy. Wahine do not benefit from being left in the dark when it comes to their partner’s or future partner's financial situation. By understanding each other's money languages and habits, we can begin to understand if we’d work together as life-long partners. When money is the number one reason for divorce, why are we so quick to figure out someone’s star sign but not their bank balance?

Bumble’s research also found that while most (91%) of kiwis found that equality is important between those who are dating or in a relationship, men still feel the pressure to earn more than their partners and play the role of breadwinner. A surprising 51% of respondents stated that men are expected to be responsible for the finances in a relationship.

An equal relationship might seem like a 50/50 split of dinners, events and socialising, but an equitable relationship requires further work. We cannot be expecting wahine to be splitting bills 50/50 when we earn less, invest less and are hit by rising costs of living much harder - we’re experiencing what Bumble has coined ‘date-flation.’

If your partner makes 3x as much as you, that bill should not be split in half. Instead, I propose the following idea: percentage-based spending. This is when two people who are dating or in a relationship decide to fairly split expenses based on their salary percentages, if your salaries are 60/40%, then so are your bills. Bumble found that 82% of singles are stating that they’d prefer low-key date locations to avoid financial pressure while dating and this method allows for a more equal spread of financial responsibilities in a relationship.

Thankfully I’m not the first person to come up with this idea, Bumble found three in five singles believe the better your financial situation is compared to your partner, the more you should contribute to date. And when single wahine (53%) are more likely than single men (35%) to split costs because of financial pressure, it begs the question of why we haven’t adopted this practice more readily.

When it comes to money and finances, it would be a disservice to wahine everywhere to say the rising cost of living is affecting us equally. It’s time to normalise money conversations in relationships, after all, nothing bad happens when wahine have more money.