From hot-mess-express to an ADHD diagnosis
Two months ago, at the age of 33 I was diagnosed with ADHD.
I’m one of an estimated 300,000 people in New Zealand that have the condition that affects the frontal lobe. There are three types: hyperactive and impulsive, inattentive, and combined.
I was never considered to be a naughty or hyperactive child. But in hindsight, I’ve always had more ‘energy’ than others and my mum made the most of it by keeping me busy and hurling me to and from extracurricular activities.
Symptoms include: difficulty starting and finishing tasks; being inattentive or distracted; being disorganised; impulsivity; making careless mistakes; hyperfocus; and finding it difficult to relax. People with ADHD are often sensitive, creative, talkative, and highly intelligent.
ADHD is currently the plat du jour, but why now? Successful people with ADHD are increasingly coming to the fore, such as Green MP Chlöe Swarbrick, and poet Hinemoana Baker, for example. We’re moving on from thinking Bart Simpson would be your quintessential ADHD candidate to include Lisa Simpson, which makes sense seeing as genetics play a large part in the equation.
Where 10 years ago a Metro cover story sported the headline, ‘ADHD or bad parenting?’, the paradigm is now shifting away from naughty boys bouncing off the walls, ADHD New Zealand Darrin Bull says.
The trope stems from the fact the majority of foundational research in the 80s centred around adolescent boys, and there’s been little research into women - particularly older women - since. The research varies so much that the ratio of boys to girls with ADHD could be anywhere between 10 to one, and two to one, for example.
More than 50 percent of ADHD NZ’s calls for help are made up of women and it’s because women are overlooked in the schooling system, Bull says. ADHD NZ research in 2021 found only 6.65 percent of women adults were diagnosed as a child.
“Women don’t tend to present as ‘out of control’ or hyperactive. They’ll be the quiet ones in the corner, day-dreaming and it means they’re not going to get the attention they deserve.”
Symptoms and masking.
ADHD is associated with poor educational and employment performance - they have higher rates of divorce, traffic accidents, substance abuse, criminality, and disordered eating. Shame, low self esteem, and rejection-sensitivity is often a consequence of feeling inadequate operating in an incompatible system. And those with ADHD often have lower levels of dopamine - the happy hormone - and melatonin, which leads to sleep problems.
Bull says 80% of people with ADHD have experienced mental health issues such as depression and anxiety as a result of lack of access to support, self medicating, underachievement, and a lifetime of stigma and discrimination. Canadian research suggests people with ADHD are 4-5 times more likely to attempt suicide.
Masking strategies
I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. Tidying tends to range between having a crazy-clean house and a cry for help. ‘Productive’ procrastination has been such a strength that it almost warrants a LinkedIn-bio update. After years of overcompensating I’m now a punctual person that’s a slave to systems, and I’m religiously attached to my diary and phone. If I were to ever lose either - I’d be unemployed.
Focussing for sustained periods or working in inflexible environments has never been my jam. For long term projects or administrative tasks I’ve learned to trick myself by playing music or Netflix in the background. It’s of little surprise that I’m a full-time contractor where juggling various balls in the air - while on fire - serves me perfectly.
Working a nine-to-five in the past, I’ve always freelanced on the side, but the nature of journalism is such that conflict of interest clauses are rife, and there’s a perception that by doing something on top of your main gig suggests you lack commitment to a company.
Arguably if you are paid enough one would have no incentive to double dip and then there’s the irony of having to be loyal to a capitalist entity - but for me, feeling stimulated outside of work kept the day-to-day grind and lack of focus at bay. That’s of course if I didn’t burnout, which I’ve tended to do every two years - partly due to the workload, and partly due to anxiety resulting from overcompensation.
But I’m a member of the burnout generation. It’s easy to blur the lines when we live in a post social media world, where we’re inundated with information from all directions so even those people who don't think in exclamation marks find it hard not to get sensory overload.
“I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. Tidying tends to range between having a crazy-clean house and a cry for help. ‘Productive’ procrastination has been such a strength that it almost warrants a LinkedIn-bio update. After years of overcompensating I’m now a punctual person that’s a slave to systems, and I’m religiously attached to my diary and phone. If I were to ever lose either - I’d be unemployed. ”
Diagnosis process
After an ADHD self report assessment, multiple GP visits at $70 a pop, finally a referral and then a wait-time of a year and half, I had no option but to go private. The assessment cost $750 but I was in too deep and needed answers. I’ll need to see a costly specialist every two years, but I was one of the lucky ones.
Bull says most District Health Boards don’t diagnose adults or refuse to do so as the demand is so high. It’s also near impossible to get a diagnosis if you don’t present as the ‘naughty boy bouncing off the walls’ trope. You’d expect to pay anywhere between $1200 and $1600 on average, and there’s no consistency when it comes to where you live, so people are likely to have more luck if they go to Australia for a diagnosis, he says.
Of the 300,000 New Zealanders estimated to have ADHD, four out of every five are undiagnosed, he says. The barriers to healthcare date back to the 90s where methamphetamine abuse in the USA was used as a means to reform the health system in New Zealand when Bill English served as Health Minister.
GPs could no longer prescribe the medication, and specialist practitioners have since struggled to keep up with the demand. And with most specialist services, it means those on lower incomes are disadvantaged and effectively fall through the cracks.
For now, you either have to get a referral from a GP and wait a lifetime to see a specialist for free, or go directly to a specialist. Health insurance - if you’ve got the means to afford it - will take the edge off of the financial blow.
“Self diagnosis through Tik Tok concerns me. It may be something else entirely but the barriers to support are so scarce - especially if you’re on a low income - that it means people can’t get the help they need. Social media may be helpful for some, but equally it means people are trigger-happy to diagnose themselves,” Bull says.
Where to from here?
The diagnosis didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, albeit I’m now disillusioned with the healthcare system and $750 poorer. But, the diagnosis has brought me a sense of relief and now I can channel the good things and mitigate some of the pitfalls.
Medication isn’t a catch-all. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy techniques are equally as important and for me, I’ve found exercise to be particularly helpful for focus. The scene in 90s flick, The First Wives Club when Goldie Hawn harps on about getting her best ideas while exercising always resonated, and now I know why.
Perhaps pre-emptive, but knowing what I’m dealing with has led me to think I may be less of a hot-mess-express. I think of ADHD as a gift, but I’m equally not defined by it.
Image - Lauren Bamford
Words - Sasha Borissenko
