6 books about grief, loss and everything in between
It’s weird to define grief. Some say it’s all part of the process but that’s just what people say to make you feel like you’re part of the norm and less detached whilst you’re mourning a loss. Every now and then something will remind me of the passing of my best friend’s mother- the visits to the hospital, her being surrounded by her friends and family; she was frail and yet still in high spirits despite us knowing what was round the corner. It was excruciating. That knot that one feels in the back of the ribs exemplified. Tightened. Squeezed. I knew what I was feeling was normal but it always made me think about what would happen to loved ones of mine someday – would the pain differ? Would I ever be okay? These books encompass all facets of loss – from the heartbreak to the endless verification that everything was going to be okay, to the memories, all of these will be with you till the very end.
Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami
This novel delves into the lives of college students in 1960s Tokyo, exploring love and the loss of a close friend years before. Toru Watanabe, our protagonist falls in love with two very different women and it’s the journey towards understanding love under the shadow of grief that hit the nail on the head for me. The loneliness and the isolation comes into fruition as it merges with concepts of sexuality, death and redemption. From the music to the mood to the aura of the sixties, this novel will also show you everything about the hopelessness of love.
The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai
Any novel set within the midst of the 1980’s Aids epidemic will leave me in tears. A woman finds herself navigating life in her 50’s and everyone she’s loved has either died or left. As she looks back at the epidemic that claimed her elder brother Nico, each page becomes a mixture of glittering lights and devastation. This portrayal of the AIDS epidemic will leave you in tears as you navigate the treacherous bouts of tragedy and trauma as each character twists and turns through a smoky haze of stigmatization and devastation. I’d say it’s quite similar to Fever by Jonathan Bazzi, another great novel depicting the same era.
The Friend by Sigrid Nunez
For any dog lover, get ready with the tissues with this one. A great dane’s owner passes away and the dog is left all alone. Reluctantly, our unnamed narrator takes the dog and the relationship begins. Every page will have you stumbling through a fog that is as unsettling as each moment weaves in and out between a dog and its owner and the heartbreak and penetrating loneliness that follows. It’s dark humour that will have you staring at your dog with such love that they’ll be wondering if you’re ok – I feel like this could almost carry a trigger warning/ it’s emotional for any dog lover and left me hugging every dog I saw on the street.
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
It’s the novel no one wants to read on public transport. It follows the journey of four graduates who move to New York to seek the good life. From the aspirations to the disappointments to the heartbreak, this story is just as engrossing as how the relationships themselves change – they come together and drift apart, fall in and out of love and deal with addiction. It’s a trauma I will never forget – and so too are the stories I’ve heard of people getting tattoos after these characters after they affected them so much. From the plethora of cover versions to the broadway show, this book will forever have my heart.
Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
A memoir by Zauner that explores grief, identity and the power of food and it’s significance through ingredients and its ability to connect. H mart is a chain and these stores are usually located on the outskirts of town – they basically have everything, a food court, pharmacy, appliance shop, beauty and more / think of it as the Chinatown some areas have here. Its memories of seeing families in the food court as she buys ingredients that reminds her of her deceased mother – the litany of favourite dishes and the very act of cooking showed love and it was because of this similarity with my own culture that had me in tears. From the tough love to the plethora of dishes available, every page felt like I was there immersed in a dish filled with extra noodles, no spice and the need to bring a book to the table. Every page explores the concepts of grief, one’s connection to heritage, family, love and cross-cultural experiences — a must read.
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
We love Didion here, and this is an exception first read for anyone wanting to dip their toes into Joan’s mind. In this deeply personal memoir, we are exposed to her experiences with grief as she mourns the death of her husband John Gregory Dunne. Every page is peppered with melancholy and the mundanities that follow as one navigates death post era- the aftermath of losing a husband, continuing to care for a coma-induced daughter and the extortionate phone bills that were part of their relationship. Didion’s attempt to make sense of the aftermath and the feelings within the sanity of it all, is extremely powerful and delicate and will change any fixed ideas you may have about death.
Words by Rachel Soo Thow of The Lit List
